U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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