he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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