did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
