guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
