Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
