do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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