he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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