is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
