if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
