Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
