11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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