He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
