I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
