He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
