you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
