i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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