Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize