So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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