You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
