rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
