420 ftw
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize