Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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