Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
