where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
