Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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