What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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