I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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