i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
