I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
