i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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