This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
