Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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