apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
