Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
