Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
