Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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