I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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