the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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