Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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