so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
