It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
