A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
