Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
