So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
