The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
