Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
