I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
