gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
