Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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