we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
