i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
