that's an acceptable place to lick
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
