Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize