I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
