someone get that fucking seahorse.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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