Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
