Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
