You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
