There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
