i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
