Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
