Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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