I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize