I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize