every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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