I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
