you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
