Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
