She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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