Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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