So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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