in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
