So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
