PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he thought i was a dude.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
