Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will pee on everything he values.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
