I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize