So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
