I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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