Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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