dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
