I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
