so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
