my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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