Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
