Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
