I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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