I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
