just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
