i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
