im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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