No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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