Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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