I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
