i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
