Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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