Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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