She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
