i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize