He kissed a someone with a penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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