My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
