If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
