im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
